


Obsessive Personality

by bethanyyerinn



Category: Pacific Rim (2013) RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethanyyerinn/pseuds/bethanyyerinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few things, such as Drifting with a Kaiju with Hermann's help and a snide comment Herc says in passing, make Newt start to wonder if he has feelings for his insufferable colleague Hermann Gottlieb. And with a personality like Newt's, the moment he thinks about it, he never stops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Obsessive Personality

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Also, this is my first Pacific Rim fic, so be gentle with me.
> 
> Contains course language, but nothing else I thought needed a higher rating.

Newt was twenty-three when the first Kaiju hit San Francisco. He knew there was something seriously wrong with him, because as people mourned the thousands of dead left by the Kaiju that was later dubbed 'Trespasser', he couldn't help but watch and re-watch the news reports and think, 'Damn. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen'. They of course thought that this was an isolated incident at the time, so Newt never thought he'd get lucky enough to see the corpse in person, let alone study its insides. But oh, he wanted to.

His interest was what made him meet Hermann Gottlieb, who also saw more to the attack than just a monster whose corpse needed to be disposed of, and the two of them started corresponding through emails and letters. That was 2014. But then the two met and 2017 and Newt knew he would never get along with the man. Too stuffy. Too… accent-y. And who the fuck owns sweater vests that are quite that ugly? Newt was trying to break the stereotypes of nerd-ism, but Hermann Gottlieb was making them ten times worse just by existing. After meeting, Newt promptly decided he'd never see or speak to the man again.

But still, Newt's interest in Kaiju only got stronger as they continued to stream out of the ocean—from a wormhole-like fissure called The Breach—and he made it his business to learn all he could about them. He got his first tattoo in 2017, then became addicted to getting them until more than three fourths of his body was coated in Kaiju.

So fifty tattoos, six doctorates, and a year at the Jaeger academy later, he was one of the scientists that studied Kaiju. A lot of people studied them, but none with so much fervor as Newt. That's why when the Jaeger program was shut down and they couldn't pay scientists anymore, he was the only biologist that stayed. One of two scientists, actually.

The other was Hermann Gottlieb.

Newt couldn't imagine why. He didn't think there was anything amazing about the Kaiju like Newt did. Probably he wanted the fame that closing The Breach would get him. But no matter the reason, their agreement never to see each other again was shattered when they were both stationed in Hong Kong, and then shattered even worse when they became the entire K-Science division once all the others left.

And that's where Newt was now. People probably imagined he was as happy as he could ever be. He loved Kaiju, after all. He was obsessed with them. So of course spending all his time cutting them open was his goal in life.

And maybe that was true, to a point. But he had a little bit of a secret.

Newt never told anyone this. Never in a million years. But even as he went through med school, and then learned that he was more interested in Kaiju anatomy than human, and then became the only biologist on the planet that specialized in the inner-workings of the alien beasts… He'd always idolized Jaeger pilots.

He'd always, deep inside, wanted to be one.

Which didn't even make sense to him. If he liked Kaiju, then why would he want to kill one? But that wasn't really it. Obviously, if he were a Jaeger pilot, killing one would be inevitable, but that wasn't the reason he had always wanted to be one.

He wanted to be on the level of a Kaiju. He wanted the two of them to look eye to eye. He wanted to be up on the level of the monsters that he couldn't help but marvel at.

He wasn't sure what was stupider: the fact that he obsessed over a creature that had no qualms killing his entire species or that what he wanted more than anything was to be able to stand across from a Kaiju, the same size as it, just to experience it up close and personal.

But he learned in the Jaeger Academy that he wasn't Drift compatible anyway—at least not with anyone he'd tried with—so it didn't matter. He never told anyone he'd even thought about the possibility of piloting a Jaeger, because they'd all laugh, like they already did as they called him a 'Kaiju groupie'.

But that didn't mean that he ever lost the desire. It was always there in the back of his mind.

So when the idea came to him that he could learn more about the Kaiju by Drifting with one, it was perfect. He knew he'd struck gold. He could accomplish both his goals at the same time: by Drifting, he could experience at least part of what it was to pilot a Jaeger, and by Drifting with part of a Kaiju brain, he could share thoughts with one, if only for a few moments, and then he and a Kaiju would be more on the same level than anyone could ever be otherwise.

So that was the first time he Drifted. Even though afterwards he felt jumbled and shaky and like he was going to throw up for hours, there was nothing like it. When Pentecost told him to do it again, he was ecstatic. Of course he wanted to do it again. Even if it killed him.

But the second time he Drifted.

That was the time that changed his life.

Because he Drifted with a full brain, first of all.

But second… he Drifted with another person.

Of all fucking people… with Hermann Gottlieb.

Immediately after the Drift, there wasn't enough time to really think about it much. They had information that was too important, too time sensitive, for Newt to think at all. The two of them went back to the Shatterdome, they watched with bated breath as Raleigh and Mako managed to close the Breach, and they'd even shared a single hug after the plan worked.

And all of Newt's research was over. The Kaiju were over. Drifting was over—they didn't need Jaegers anymore. He'd always known deep inside that he'd never pilot a Jaeger, but now it was really true. And he would leave the Shatterdome, leave this field of study, and he'd have to study something normal with one of his six doctorates. So even as other people celebrated, he found himself disappointed.

Which again, was insane. The Kaiju had been killing people! Closing the Breach was nothing short of a fucking miracle.

But that didn't make the pit in his stomach go away.

It was the next day when he was sitting in the empty lab that he started to think back on Drifting with Hermann.

It was like Hermann had been some sort of robot to him until that moment. The things he saw in his head…

More than anything, the insecurities. Too skinny, too nerdy, too up-tight. All the things that Newt had always teased Hermann for… Hermann saw them too. And he hated them just as much as Newt pretended to. It made a ball of guilt the size of a Kaiju shit form in Newt's stomach, perpetuating the man's own negative feelings about himself.

So that's when it all started. Drifting with the Kaiju, and in turn Drifting with Hermann, was what made Newt start to see Hermann as something other than a lab partner. He was a person too.

That's when everything began to get complicated.

Newt was staring at the remains of a Kaiju littered all over his desk. He was mostly in here because reporters wouldn't stop talking to him ever since everything happened with closing the Breach, and he had to act all excited that he'd done it. He just wanted some time to mope. So he'd hidden away in the now useless K-Science lab.

It's not like his time with Kaiju was completely over. He'd have to publish more papers on it. Maybe for the rest of his life. Not to mention he'd be interviewed about this for ages. Obviously, Mako and Raleigh would get most of the credit, but he was already getting a little of it too. He and Hermann, the only scientists that stuck with the program even after they stopped getting paid. How heroic of them.

He gave a little ironic chuckle at the thought, which echoed in the vacant room.

But overall, this was done. He'd have to spend his life doing something else. He'd have to leave the Shatterdome. He'd lived in one Shatterdome or another for so long that the thought of living in an actual house, or apartment or whatever, was strange to him. He'd gotten used to the idea that he might be in a Shatterdome for the rest of his life… but not anymore.

And then there was Hermann. He never in his life thought he'd even think this, but he wasn't looking forward to working in a lab that he didn't share with the obnoxious prude. Especially after their Drift. After seeing there was more to him than what he always supposed.

As if Hermann knew Newt was thinking about him, he suddenly spoke. Newt had no idea when he walked in, but he said, "Newton—"

"It's Newt," he said automatically.

But Hermann ignored him, as per usual, and continued, "I'm quite sure that I've never seen your legs so still."

Newt looked down absently, as if checking if Hermann was right. Newt had always been twitchy and hyperactive—all his teachers hated him, even if he was the smartest in all his classes, because he couldn't keep still. But now, just as Hermann had said, his legs weren't twitching. He looked to Hermann, and somehow his face looked different than he remembered. It didn't look so much like he was trying to shit out that stick up his ass.

"Neither have I," Newt elected to respond, looking at the specimens on his table again before asking, "What brings you here?"

"Hiding from the press," said Hermann, and Newt could hear his cane hitting the floor as he walked.

Newt turned again to look at Herman, who had sat down on the couch in the corner. "I thought you'd love the press. Getting to be a rockstar for saving the world and all that."

"Do I seem the type that desires being a 'rockstar'?" he asked, and Newt had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at him.

"You know what I mean. I thought you'd want the credit."

"Are you under the impression I've been doing all this for the credit?"

Newt stared at the man again. "Well… yeah, I guess. I couldn't imagine why else you'd be here."

Hermann gave a humorless half-smile. "I think it would be better if you don't make assumptions about my intentions."

"They why are you here?"

Hermann's eyes narrowed. "Since when do you care?"

Back before the Drift, this would have just seemed like him being an ass again as usual. But after… it was that self-consciousness rearing its ugly head again, Newt was sure of it.

But Newt didn't have time to answer.

"Oh, what, has our Drift made you think we should be friends now?"

Newt was surprised with how much that comment felt like a punch to the gut, as scathing as it sounded. He didn't know what to say—which was saying something, because he'd been told before that he needed to learn how to shut up.

Maybe Hermann noticed that too, the strange silence that never occurred when Newt was in a room, because the bitterness in his face dissolved a little. "Newton—"

"Newt," he said again, because it really was a natural reaction by now.

This time Hermann huffed in irritation before finishing his thought. "This doesn't change anything. The two of us can't get along. Seeing each other's minds doesn't make that fundamental fact disappear."

Newt stood up. "What did you see? In my head?"

"A thing or two," said Hermann stuffily before standing himself and heading for his desk.

"Oh, come on, just tell me one thing."

"You saw it too."

"I was paying attention to what didn't have to do with me," said Newt. "What did you see?"

Hermann continued to gaze at Newt silently. "Well, I felt you getting your seventeenth tattoo," he finally said. "It was painful."

Newt chuckled a little. "That one hurt worse because it was over my hipbone."

"I never thought you had quite so many," he said, and Newt might have imagined the quick up-and-down glance Hermann gave him, as if imagining all the tattoos Newt might have, and where they all might be.

"I… yeah," Newt said awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck as the silence went from awkward to really awkward. Before the silences had been resentful, and neither felt the need to speak to the other without yelling… but now things were different. Hermann could pretend that the Drift didn't change anything, but it was a lie and they both knew it.

Then Newt displayed his really quite impressive ability to speak without giving it the least bit of thought beforehand. He said, "I saw you after you asked out that guy in high school. That was rough." Newt had felt it, after all. Not pleasant.

Hermann's eyes widened and he blushed—something Newt never thought he'd see. He started spluttering angrily. "You saw—I—that's not—" He took a deep breath, trying to speak coherently. He was glaring at Newt now. "That… my… It's not open information, the fact that I… I am…"

"Gay?" provided Newt.

Hermann scowled. "Yes. That."

"Hey, it's no big deal. I just kinda go with the flow. Guy, girl—"

"Kaiju?"

Newt couldn't help but smile at Hermann's attempt at a joke. "Oh yeah, did you see Otachi? She basically sexually violated me with her glowy tongue thingy. Pretty sexy."

"Newton, you are utterly ridiculous," said Hermann, shaking his head.

"It's Newt."

"I'm never going to call you that," said Hermann.

"So wha'did you see?" Newt repeated.

"What does it matter?" asked Hermann huffily.

"Because I wondered if you saw anything that could make you think we could be friends."

Hermann looked surprised. "Newton, are you feeling alright?" he asked.

Newt didn't really understand the question. "Other than the fact that you can't call me by my name? Sure."

"I just don't understand what's got you like this. So calm… sentimental."

"I can be sentimental," said Newt.

"It's a surprise," said Hermann.

Newt's temper, which was always easy to ignite, but was worse with Hermann, flared up. His voice went up three octaves—when his voice was already higher than most men. "Coming from you, who has the emotional range of a calculator! What the hell is your problem? You're so damaged that you can't handle someone wanting to be your friend?"

"Why would I want a deranged tattoo flaunting, Satan-worshipping Kaiju-lover as a friend?"

"For the last time, metal music has nothing to do with worshipping Satan! Jesus, it's like buttoning your shirt up to the last button is causing you to not get enough oxygen to your brain!"

The two of them were so enthralled in their screaming match that neither heard when Herc came in. "Girls, girls!" Both of them looked over, shutting up instantly. Herc had been in a pretty rotten mood for the past few days—with good reason. His son had died, after all. "Quit flirting, will you? The press wants to talk to you both. Together. So if you could stop yelling for long enough to do that, it'd be great." He stomped back out.

Newt saw as Hermann continued to glare at him, but Newt stared after Herc even after he'd walked out. He couldn't understand why the words were echoing hollowly in his head.

Quit flirting.

He'd been joking, of course, but Newt had never thought of it that way. The two of them yelled and yelled at each other… but was it all just flirting?

By the time he looked over to Hermann, he'd walked closer. "We have to go out there. Would you stop daydreaming?"

"Herm, listen—"

"Did you just call me—never call me that again," said Hermann.

Newt didn't let himself get annoyed by that and continued, "Why does it have to be like this?"

"Because—you—must we have this conversation now?! We have to go!"

"Yes, we have to have it now! I don't get why—"

"Dr. Geiszler, listen to me very closely. You and I are colleagues. And after all this is over, we'll be nothing to each other. Are we clear on that?"

Newt was astounded by how much that hurt. He expected anger to be what bubbled up… but no, he just felt wounded.

"Yeah, okay," he said.

* * *

Newt didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. Mixed with all of his life goals for the past decade being ripped from under him and with the stupid hurt he felt after what Hermann had said, he was legitimately depressed. Days passed, and he started to pack up his things, and the red ring around his left iris started to fade, and more and more he was unrecognizable. No more boundless energy, no more endless things to say. He moped around, hands shoved in his pockets. Everyone was still at the Shatterdome because, probably a bit like him, they were so used to being here that they didn't know how to go back to civilian life again. Nobody had been told when they were getting kicked out. Nobody asked. So Newt went to meals and picked at his tray, and he sat on his side of the lab silently, and he pretended to sleep when he was in his quarters but really stared at the ceiling. That was about it.

Well, there was one more thing that happened.

The two words Herc had said added to the things he had seen and felt in and after the Drift, and when he looked at Hermann… he saw much more than he used to. When the man scribbled math problems on his giant chalk board, when he scribbled some more on papers on his desk. When he absently rubbed at his right knee when he thought nobody was looking. The way he refused to eat if he thought anyone was paying attention to him. His tendency to bite his lip when he was thinking. None of it mattered, but Newt saw it all, and he was intrigued by it. For some strange reason, it endeared Hermann to him.

So without his permission, the curiosity he felt at the possibility of them being friends morphed into thinking about something a little more than friendship.

It was stupid. Hermann hated him. They couldn't talk without yelling at each other. They weren't even interested in each other's fields of study. They just had nothing in common.

So why did Newt smile when he thought of the man (which was about all the smiling he'd done in almost a month now)? Why did he stare when he was sure the other was distracted? Why did he linger on the little details of the way he stood, the way he talked to others, the memories in the Drift that had been a bit more sentimental than the abilities of a calculator?

Like one day, Herc had come in again. He was in a better mood than he had been in a while. Being cheeky again, as he often was. Newt hadn't been listening to Herc's words much, busy as he was watching Hermann out of the corner of his eye, but Herc must have told some sort of joke… because Hermann laughed.

Newt had never seen Hermann laugh before. Never. He didn't think he was capable.

But then he did laugh, and when he laughed he, for once, was completely unreserved. He laughed from his belly, he squeezed his eyes shut, he bent over to catch his breath. It was the type of laugh that made everyone in the vicinity smile—and Newt wasn't biased on that either, because Herc was smiling down at the guffawing man.

"Doctor, I honestly didn't know you had a sense of humor," said Herc with a grin. "Maybe you stole Newt's," he added, as he walked over to Newt, patting him on the shoulder. "You look like hell, man. When's the last time you slept?"

"Uh… I'm fine," he said, as if that was an answer to the question he was asked.

Herc took a moment to look concerned before walking out. Newt returned his attention to the doodle he'd been doing, a chibi version of Leatherback. He hadn't drawn anime since he was really young, when his uncle got him interested in manga, but he resorted to it when he wasn't feeling great—which was pretty much him all the time now.

Leatherback looked finished, so he started in on Otachi, but that made him think of the baby she'd be carrying, which made him think of the drift he'd conducted with that baby, which made him think of who he'd conducted that drift with… it was funny how all thoughts led back to Hermann nowadays. His pencil stopped moving as he fell back into aimless thoughts once more, all going back to that stupid doctor in the end. He'd always been like this, honestly—he started to enjoy something and he fixated on it. It was like that with the Kaiju, with tattoos, with basically everything he liked. It had always applied to people he liked as well, like Gianna in grade school, Dylan in high school, Maria in college, and even when he went through a short Chuck phase a few months back… but he'd never gotten quite this obsessed before. It worried him a little.

"Alright, Newton, we need to talk."

It was the first words Hermann had said in his direction since their fight. Newt needed a moment to make sure that he was actually speaking to him and that he wasn't just imagining it. Newt turned to look at him. "About what? All my stuff is on my side of the lab. I'm not playing music. It doesn't even smell bad anymore; all the specimens have been thrown out for weeks. What could I possibly be doing to irritate you?"

"You didn't ask me to call you Newt."

Newt blinked at him. "I thought that would be an improvement in your eyes."

"That isn't the point."

"Then what's the point, Dr. Gottlieb?"

It was Hermann's turn to blink in confusion. "You never call me that."

Newt actually growled in irritation. "I'm doing what you want and you're getting all huffy about it? There's literally no pleasing you." He stood. "I'm going to bed."

He was storming out of the room when Hermann said behind him, "This drawing's quite good."

"Keep it then," Newt snapped, and he let the door slam behind him.

It was another fifteen seconds before Newt heard the telltale signs of a man with a cane following him. He had these conflicting feelings of excitement and annoyance. He'd half wanted Hermann to talk to him all along, but now he was just mad. Mad that no matter what he did, he annoyed Hermann, because just who he was irritated the other man. It was more than a little insulting. And disappointing. And depressing.

"Newton, would you wait a moment?"

He kept walking. The clacking of the cane got louder and more insistent as Hermann sped up, but he'd never keep up no matter how quick he walked.

"Newton!"

Newt was pretty close to his room. Hermann wouldn't follow him there.

He was at his door, opening the hatch, when Hermann said it.

"NEWT!"

Newt froze with his hands on the latch.

He turned. "What, did hell freeze over?" he asked dryly.

"I just figured it was the only way to get your attention," Hermann said as he finally caught up.

"Okay, you've got it. Tell me what I did wrong this time, because I'm at a loss."

Hermann sighed angrily and said defensively, "I'm not here to get cross with you! I only wanted to ask you what's wrong!"

"What's… what's wrong?"

"You hardly talk, or eat, or… do anything, really. Many people are genuinely worried about you."

"Including you?" asked Newt skeptically.

He sighed again. "Including me," he admitted. "I just… wondered if you wanted to… talk."

Newt felt indignation swell up inside of him again. "I'm pretty sure you told me you and I can never be friends, so I can't imagine why you'd want to talk to me."

"I admit… that was rather harsh. What I said."

"It was how you actually feel," said Newt. "I get it. I'm obnoxious, I know. I'm really, really aware. So I'm leaving you alone, like you always wanted. Don't pretend to be concerned. I'm fine."

Oh, he was getting dangerously upset now. He might start tearing up soon, and he sure as hell wasn't going to do that in public—worst of all in front of Hermann. He turned on Hermann's slightly stunned looking face and opened his door to storm inside. But when he went to shut it, suddenly Hermann was there, holding it open with more strength than his slight figure eluded to.

"You've never been that self-deprecating," said Hermann. "You think you're, and I quote, 'fucking awesome'."

"Wow, it must be hard to imagine that you're not the only one on the planet that's secretly insecure."

Newt thought that would work to get Hermann angry again, and thus make him go away, but he kept holding the door open. "I'm not here to be mean. I honestly think you need to talk."

"Well I don't."

"I want to know what's wrong."

"Why?"

"Because you're my colleague and I'm concerned about you."

"Wow, that's awful sweet, but I don't want to talk."

"You always want to talk."

"Not anymore."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"No."

"What happened to upset you?"

"Nothing."

"Obviously something happened. You've been—"

"You happened!" Newt finally hollered. "Alright? Happy now, I told you! Now, please, for the love of Kaiju, leave me alone!"

He managed to get his door shut with another shove. Damn it. He'd actually said that. That was stupid of him. Why couldn't he ever shut up?

Well, at least he got the door closed. Hermann would leave now.

And then he was surprised by a voice filtering through the metal door. "Me?"

He sighed. Now that he started talking, he knew he wouldn't stop. It was one of his many weaknesses. So he said, "Yes, you! Now go away!"

Insistent knocking started. "Newton, let me in."

Newt put his eye up to the peep hole and looked at Hermann's genuinely concerned face.

"Why?" asked Newt weakly.

"Because we're going to talk about this." Hermann looked straight at the peep hole, as if he knew Newt was looking through it.

"Talk through the door then."

"People are staring, Newton. Let me in."

Newt then gave a half a smile, the ones that he only ever got anymore when Hermann was doing something endearing. This time though, he got an idea.

"Sure, if you call me Newt again. No more Newton."

"Newton—"

"And I get to call you Hermann without you complaining."

"Come on—"

"Maybe even Herm."

"That's not—"

"That's my offer. If you can't do that, then go away."

He kept looking through the hole. Was Hermann dedicated enough to finding out what was wrong to fulfill these requests?

And then he said, "Newt, please let me in."

Newt grinned. It felt strange after having gone so long without doing it.

"Well… okay." He opened the door to admit Hermann.

* * *

Hermann walked inside, glancing around Newt's room. It was coated in posters of Newt's favorite bands and he half expected the other man to mention Satan worshipping, but by some miracle he didn't.

"So…" Newt said. "You wanted to talk." He was already starting to regret agreeing to have this conversation. Hermann was going to figure him out.

"Yes, Newton—I mean, Newt." He said the word as if it tasted bad on his tongue. "I just… wondered… Newt, can we be honest with each other?"

Newt raised an eyebrow. "Um… yeah, sure."

"Then tell me… why did you ask me what I saw in the Drift?"

Newt didn't understand where the conversation was going. He thought Hermann wanted to talk about Newt's depression, not their experience Drifting.

"Because I was curious?"

The set of Hermann's mouth was enough to tell that he was already getting irritated. "Newton—Newt, whatever—I thought we were being honest with each other."

Newt was officially confused. "I'm being serious, dude."

"Fine, then what did you see?"

"Uh… nothing too important."

Hermann's frown deepened. "Newt, I would appreciate it if you did not mock me."

"Okay, Hermann, how the hell am I mocking you?"

"Just tell me what you saw," he said enunciating each word.

"Fine, fine," Newt muttered, remembering back to that time. "Well… I saw you getting bullied in grade school. And I saw you ask out that guy. I saw you in college… I think I saw your mother or something… but I mean that was it."

Hermann narrowed his eyes. "You're still not being honest."

"Dude, what the fuck am I not telling you? What do you think I saw, and why the hell does that even matter right now?!"

"You… really don't know what I'm talking about," said Hermann.

"No. No idea, dude."

"But… you said I'm the reason you've been upset… I figured that must mean that you saw…"

"Saw what?"

"I know it was there in the Drift. You must just not have been paying attention."

"TO WHAT?" Newton's voice had gone up to a dangerously high pitch again in frustration.

"I'd really rather you not remember now, actually," said Hermann shyly.

"Well it's too late now. You have to tell me."

"Newt, you know." Before Newt could yell again, Hermann spoke again. "Even now that the drift is over, there's still a connection between us, and you can remember everything that we shared whenever you want. If you think about it, you'll remember."

Newt was close to arguing… until it all came to him suddenly, as if he were in Hermann's own thoughts.

Hermann wasn't sure what made him become interested in the Kaiju invasion as a scientist. Of course everyone was interested to a point, because people were dying. It was impossible not to care. It was just around the time that he divorced his wife Vanessa, telling her the truth about his… sexuality. So he was really just looking for companionship more than anything else.

But he found this really quite fascinating paper online written by a Newton Geiszler, so he sent an email telling the man he enjoyed reading it.

And so began their correspondence, which lasted for three years. His interest in the Kaiju, and the Breach, and the science involved, piqued during this time. Their conversations were mostly professional, with very few references to anything that had to do with their personal lives, but Newton was such a strong personality that it was obvious even over email and letters what he was like. Hermann found the man… intriguing. So different from himself, seeming so confident. Albeit, he found the other man's obsession with Kaiju a smidgeon strange, but he really enjoyed talking to him.

Probably more than he should have.

It was 2017 when they resolved to meet. Hermann found himself amazingly nervous. He remembered stupidly picking out cologne, like the other man might sniff him or something. He didn't understand his own feelings. They had never even met, for Christ's sake.

As at the time, Newton had been living in Boston and Hermann had been living in London, they elected to meet at a time where they were both in Germany, since one thing they'd found in common was that they were both born there and had family there.

Hermann had known that Newton was an interesting personality, and certainly that would show in person too… but somehow he hadn't expected anywhere close to what he saw. Tight black jeans, chunky boots, a leather jacket over a perfectly disheveled tie. He took the jacket off and Hermann saw a tattoo of a Kaiju on his left arm, and leather bands around his wrists. He was… well, Hermann thought he looked… cool. Too much so for him. He felt like just Newton's commanding presence was somehow a challenge to him: prove to me you're awesome enough to bask in my presence. He had a voice that carried and he laughed and joked a great deal… it made Hermann more self-conscious than he cared to admit. He felt silly for growing so fond of the other man—like Newton could ever grow fond of him in the same way in return—and for thinking meeting in person was a good idea. Surely Newton had been disappointed when he saw Hermann. Just another socially-awkward scientist.

So he'd done what became a habit for him in Newton's presence: got defensive. The meeting quickly turned into an argument about whether it's appropriate to tattoo yourself with murderous monsters, and Newton replied snidely about whether it was strictly necessary to button the very top button of your shirt…

In short, it didn't go well.

They stopped talking to each other, and Hermann was utterly humiliated with the fact that he missed the exchanges. Speaking with Newton had become what he looked forward to. And then it was just gone.

He got over the feelings over time, as people do…

Until another three years later when they were stationed together in Hong Kong. The only way Newton had changed in that time was that his single Kaiju tattoo on his left arm had somehow multiplied into both of his forearms being utterly covered in ink. Also, Hermann had the accident that caused him to have to start using a cane. But otherwise, both men saw each other and obviously remembered their disastrous attempt at an actual friendship, and thus were at odds immediately. It was still for the same reason as before for Hermann, partially, just out of self-consciousness… but that's not to say the two didn't often annoy each other. Because they were quite different, and thus often frustrated with one another… but Hermann found Newt more endearing than he wanted to admit. To hide that, they just fought constantly. All the other scientists avoided having them in the same room…

But Hermann, pathetic as he was, always stared when nobody would notice, smiled at one of his jokes when he knew nobody was watching… he was ashamed of himself and the stupid emotions he couldn't shove down.

It only got worse when everyone else left because the Jaeger program was shut down, which left only the two of them working together, and they were shoved into the same laboratory.

He could have just left like all the other scientists. There was no money in it anymore, after all... but he knew he'd never really leave when Newton stayed.

It was an utter recipe for disaster.

Because Hermann could never, ever, admit how he felt… and the only way he could hide it was by being mean. And so they would never have the chance to even be friends, let alone what Hermann truly wanted. He hated that fact every day, but there was nothing he could do.

Plus, why would someone like Newton ever want to be with him?

Newt came out of his reverie and gaped up at Hermann.

He wasn't even processing this information.

Because it couldn't be true.

But before he could even think too much about it, Hermann began to speak, looking at the ground as he did so. "So you remember now. But… I don't understand. If that isn't what you were upset about, then what did I do?"

There was no way he remembered that right. Obviously Newt had made up that entire scenario in his head to fit into his fantasies, because none of that could be true.

But Hermann kept talking. He must have been taking Newt's tendency to over-talk when he was nervous, because it suddenly seemed he didn't want to shut up. "I'd thought you hadn't seen it, originally, until you asked me what I saw in the Drift. I thought you were trying to bring it up. So I was trying to think of a way to make you think what you saw was wrong… and then Hercules came in and only made me feel worse by telling us to stop flirting… and so I yelled at you and you stopped asking, but then you stopped speaking to me. I figured you saw right through me and knew what I was hiding… until Hercules expressed concern for you today. That was when I realized that you aren't just like this around me, but everyone." He paused, but not long enough for Newt to talk. "You said didn't notice that in the Drift, but you also said I was the reason you were upset… and now I don't understand what's happened."

Well now what he was saying proved that what Newt had remembered had been right.

But how was that possible? How could the two of them have felt the same way about each other… and they both, in embarrassment, hid it?

He had absolutely no idea what to say. How to explain that if this was really true, he had no reason to ever be upset again. It sounded melodramatic, but he wanted Hermann so damn bad it was like his skin itched when he wasn't around. Even the stupid things about him were just cute somehow. It was really dumb and Newt knew it and he didn't give a rat's ass. He just wanted Hermann. All the time. During work, during meals, in the morning, in the evening, in the shower…

Okay, he was getting distracted.

He still didn't know what to say.

Hermann took it wrong. "Oh, I've made you uncomfortable. I should have figured. Well, we won't be working together much longer, I'm sure. You won't have to bother with me again."

He began to turn to leave again, and Newt's body leapt into action. He surged forward, grabbed Hermann's arm, spun him around… and pressed a kiss hard to his lips, holding his face in both hands. Hermann's lips didn't move beneath his, so Newt backed away after a moment. Hermann was staring at him with wide eyes.

"I—you—you—" He seemed to give up on speaking.

Newt spoke instead, and he was grinning for no reason while he did it. "Dude, I was upset because I thought you hated me… when honestly I've wanted to kiss your stupid frown-y mouth ever since we Drifted. It's kind of all I've been thinking about."

"You… are you mocking me?"

Newt rolled his eyes. "Do you think I would honestly kiss you just to mock you? I think you need to work through some of those insecurity issues, dude."

"Well you seem back to normal," said Hermann grumpily.

"Well you think I'm cool, so you're glad I'm back to normal."

"I take it back. I don't like you at all."

"Yes you do," said Newt, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. "You totally do." Hermann looked down at the ground, going red, and Newt took a bit of pity. He lifted up Hermann's face so he could look him in the eye. "And for the record, you're totally awesome enough to bask in my presence."

Before Hermann could say anything, Newt pulled him back in to kiss him again.

"Herm, we're so stupid," he said after.

"I still don't like you calling me that."

"Too bad."

"You're insufferable."

Newt kissed him again, for longer, making it far more sensual than the others.

"Am I?" he asked quietly.

Hermann looked flustered. "Well… erm… maybe you're not… not completely…" He trailed off.

Newt openly laughed at him. "Come on. Let's get something to eat, I'm fuckin' starving."

"I suppose I could do for some food," Hermann agreed. Then his eyes caught on something somewhere on the ground. Newt looked down and saw that Hermann was looking at his legs.

"What?" asked Newt.

"You really are back to normal. Look, you're fidgeting again."

Newt looked at his legs, which were in fact absently tapping and bending every few moments. "Guess so."

They started to walk. "Honestly, how did you thinking I hated you affect you so much?"

"What can I say? I'm a tad obsessive."


End file.
